Beyond Friendly: What It Really Means to Lead a Mental-Health Informed Choir

We’ve all heard choirs described as “safe spaces” or “mental-health friendly.” But what does that really mean? And is it enough?

As a choral conductor living with PTSD - and someone working at the intersection of music and mental health - I’ve really had to challenge with what I thought made a choir welcoming and what actually helps people feel safe, seen, and supported in the room.  There have been times when what I thought was helping was really not the right thing at all.

I’m not here to call anyone out. I’m here to ask the questions I wish I’d asked sooner, so that others may learn from my wins and mistakes.  Here's what I know so far.

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​“Friendly” Is a Feeling. “Informed” Is a Framework.

Let’s start with a common scenario: a choir leader sets a warm tone, encourages connection, and reassures singers that “everyone’s welcome here.” It’s gentle, it’s kind. it’s well-meaning.

But being mental-health friendly is often surface-level - it’s about the mood or feeling we create.
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Being mental-health informed, on the other hand, is about the structures and choices that underpin our sessions.  Here’s the difference.

​Mental-Health Friendly (and if this is only where you're at right now - that's still great - keep going!):

• You say “don’t worry if you mess up”;
• You have a relaxed approach to attendance;
• You avoid shaming people or applying pressure;
• You try to be approachable and warm.
  
  

Mental-Health Informed:

• You understand how trauma and anxiety show up physically and emotionally in rehearsal;
• You build in agency and choice: singers can sit out, hum, or opt for sensory-regulation tools;
• You avoid language that might trigger shame: “What went wrong there?” becomes “Let's try that a different way”;
• You structure your sessions to be predictable, spacious, and rooted in nervous system safety.
  
  

Being informed doesn’t mean you’re a therapist - it means you’ve done the work to understand how your leadership impacts people who are masking, grieving, burnt out, or holding trauma in their bodies.

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​What Being Mental-Health Informed Actually Looks Like in Rehearsal

At Sing Out Strong, our international network of singers, and at Border Belles, my flagship Marches women’s choir, we aim to embody this more grounded, practical version of care.

Here’s what it can look like:

• Predictable structure: Open and close with familiar grounding exercises and vocal resets so people’s nervous systems know what to expect;
• Choice and control: Invite your singers, never force. “You’re welcome to join in,” not “You must”;
• Language matters: Use gentle, empowering phrasing that avoid the performance-perfection loop;
• Sensory regulation: Fidget tools, quiet corners, ear defenders, and lighting options can are all be part of the space;
• Team awareness: Have volunteers and section leaders who know how to spot freeze responses, accommodate overstimulation, and respond non-judgmentally when someone needs to leave the room.
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None of this is about lowering the standard or wrapping singers in cotton wool. It’s about understanding how stress, trauma, and chronic dysregulation (dis-regulation) affect learning, memory, and voice - and building our rehearsals to support rather than shame.

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​Why This Isn’t Just Nice - It’s Necessary

We live in a world where trauma is common, not rare. Where burnout is a baseline for many women. Where neurodivergent singers have spent years masking in musical environments that prize obedience over authenticity.

If we want to run choirs that truly hold people through life - not just performance - we need to build with those realities in mind.

When we take a trauma-informed approach:

• Singers return, even when life is hard.
• Trust is built over time.
• The music becomes deeper because it’s being made from a place of regulation, not fear.
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And here’s the secret no one talks about: informed choirs don’t feel clinical or stiff. They often feel more joyful, more connected. Because people aren’t bracing or masking - they’re singing from a place of safety.

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​Questions to Ask Yourself as a Choir Leader

These are the questions I now ask myself regularly:

• Who doesn’t feel safe to show up here - and why?
• What assumptions am I making about what “commitment” looks like?
• If someone shuts down in rehearsal, how do I respond?
• Is there choice in how people participate, or is everyone expected to perform the same way?
• Do we celebrate presence and progress - or just perfection?
• Do my team members have any training in trauma, regulation, or neurodivergence?
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These aren’t easy questions. But they’re important. Because the people who need music most are often the ones who've been pushed out of “traditional” choir spaces - because they didn’t fit the mold, follow the rules, or have the mental energy to show up every week.

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​We Don’t Need to Choose Between Excellence and Care

This is a myth we need to dismantle: that you can either be relaxed and inclusive or high-achieving and ambitious.

I believe you can be both.

At Border Belles, we sing hard music. We sell out concerts. We tackle bold themes - grief, trauma, breakdown.  We take our clothes off for a mental health charity (yep, we did that!) - and we sound phenomenal doing it.
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But we also:

• Make space for tears;
• Celebrate individual journeys;
• Honour real life.
  
  

Because when women feel safe, their voices come back. And when they feel seen, they sing bigger. And when they trust the space, they own it.  That’s not woo, that’s leadership.

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​The Future of Choirs Is Trauma-Informed

If you're a choir leader reading this, maybe feeling overwhelmed, maybe feeling a bit defensive, maybe feeling a spark of intrigue, know this:

You don’t have to know everything right away, but you do need to start.  Start by reading, by listening. By getting curious about what your singers aren’t saying out loud.

Ask your members what they need to feel safe in your group.

Seek training in trauma-informed practice. Follow voices in the neurodivergent and mental-health advocacy space. Build a team around you that’s open-hearted and brave enough to evolve.

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​Final Note

​Choirs are not just about music. They are sites of community, vulnerability, identity, and healing.

If we want them to be truly inclusive, we have to move beyond friendliness and into a more courageous, informed kind of leadership.
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And if that scares you a bit? Good. You’re on the right track.
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Let’s do better together.

> Want to talk about this more?

I’d love to hear from fellow choir leaders navigating these waters. Leave a comment, send me a DM, or share this with your team. And keep an eye out for my new podcast where I dig even deeper into this topic - and many more.